Wednesday, September 30, 2015

So Flippin Pregnant

I was going to apologize for my lapse in posts, but then my unborn child tried to claw her way out of my uterus, and I thought better about it.

I'm a MILLION months pregnant, and we just moved into a new house. Yay us! But not yay timing because things are in boxes, the coming child has nowhere to sleep, and I have 3 weeks until my due date.

Did I mention that I've never given birth past 39 weeks?

So 3 weeks if I'm using my optimism scale. Which I am. Because the realism scale will give me more heart palpitations than the number on a real scale measuring my pregnant craving escapades.

Point is, I haven't forgotten to update on writing, and my life as a mom, and all that good stuff! It's just that right now my life is unboxing things I forgot we had, and contemplating the value of squatting down to pick up dropped objects. Not the most entertaining blog posts. However, I leave you with a few pictures from my maternity shoot, which made me instantly happier to receive. I look so serene in these artfully manipulated images (holla at ya Allison Choc, the amazing photographer!), that you probably can't imagine I'm sitting in my bed with popcorn kernels littered over my bosom and belly, and an empty can of diet Dr. Bob on my nightstand--both of which are giving me a heart attack from Hades.

Behold, my pregnant glow!

So there you have it! I might make a few more posts between now and B day, but I won't make any promises. Because I'm pregnant and I can do whatever I want. 

Have a fantastic rest of the week, folks!


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

So...where'd that book go?

If you get onto Amazon right now and try to find my book Lunula, you'll likely find over-priced physical copies for sale from my publisher's inventory, and that's about it.


Two very interesting words: Contract expiration.

I have mixed emotions about this. On the one hand, my publisher wasn't exactly doing a lot for Lunula with it in their hands--I never saw promotions or marketing from them, and all of that was on me anyway. On the other hand, I'm not "with" a publisher anymore. Which is kind of weird for me. Does that mean I'm sort of a demoted author or something?

I mean, I was the one who let the contract expire without pursuing it, and based on my lack of marketing prowess, I'm not shocked they didn't say anything either. So what does that make me?

The same thing!!

It's the same book. It still has amazing reviews on Amazon. I still have to work hard to promote it if I want people to read it. And I still know that if Lunula didn't make it big, then that just means I need to write a better book. It's not like it's getting pulled from shelves or something--the publisher never got it that far anyway.

So really nothing has changed. And I'm cool with that.

That said, I'm currently working on editing Lunula so I can publish it again. The only "finished" copy I have of Lunula is the one given to me by my publisher. I'm not 100% on this (and if you know, do speak up!) but I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to just throw up the epub version of the book they edited and put together and call it completely mine. 

Unfortunately, I think I have to re-edit, re-format, and re-launch this sucker. 

But there are opportunities in that! I have control over the pricing (i.e. $1 or free for lots of promotions!), and I'm pretty happy just letting people read it. It's a fun book; I'd love to see more people have access to it and just enjoy it. I'm not in it for the money!

But for real, editing is the pits. It's going to take me some time (because, you know, I have SO much excess of that right now), but the payoff will be great in the end. I have control over my book again, and guess what friends? FREE BOOKS FOR ALL Y'ALL. That's all I'm saying. Make it rain. 

 With that, I will get back to editing my manuscript, and let you all know when Lunula will be available again!! Have an awesome week! 


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

A Day With the Pregnant Hipster

My friend took me shopping last week. Despite the fact that it was like strolling through the mall with a gassy rhinoceros with size awareness issues, my dearest buddy Allison insisted that we have a girls night. Sure, we looked at baby clothes first. And sure, we really only got through one store before my ankles had somehow formed muffin tops over my orthopedic sneakers, but it was totally worth it.

I got sexy underwear I know is just going to torture my husband for now. And flats I won't be able to wear until the baby has been expelled from my body next month.


Check out those pants. Look at those hipster glasses. LOOK AT MY OUTFIT. I knew as soon as I put it on, I had to spend at least one day as a pregnant hipster. And let's be real here--those pants are not at all flattering, and my glasses are very clearly fake. That should have been embarrassing, but I think there's some variety missing in my life or something. I had to do it.

I also realized that if I was going to go a full day as a pregnant hipster, I needed to call myself The Pregster.

It has a delightfully obnoxious ring to it.

The first thing Pregster did was wake up and put her hair into a messy bun. And don her colorful but totally useless glasses.

#2020Vision #GlassesAreAnnoying

Pregster also had a green smoothie for breakfast (with chia seeds of course), and fed her children fruit and organic yogurt for breakfast. Pregster had a full day planned, so she took the children on some errands. Now where would Pregster go? A flea market or thrift store of some kind, presumably, but Pregster DOES have children, and therefore must obtain supplies from somewhere. Where better than Target?

Pregster also had to take an Instagram shot of her lunch. YES we had hot dogs and popcorn, but you know what, haters? Those dogs were all beef. So suck it.

#MormonCoffee #NeedCaffeine 
Pregster wonders if its too early to wear scarves.

#90DegreesOut #StillFab
Target shopping completed, Pregster couldn't go a full day without Starbucks. But since Pregster is Mormon, she got iced hot chocolate and gave her kids ice water. Pregster likes to defy convention.

#TallIcedWater #Starbucks #StillExpensive
Unfortunately, Pregster could not find everything she needed at Target. She proceeded to weep as she realized she would need to set foot in WALMART. The horror.

Pregster survived the trip into Walmart, though, and picked up her eldest child from school while convincing herself that she was enjoying the alternative station on Pandora.

All in all, it was a successful day for Pregster and her offspring. Will she be wearing those pants and those glasses in public again any time soon?

It's hard to say. You can't just pin down the Pregster like that. She does what she wants. #PregLife