Tuesday, September 1, 2015

A Day With the Pregnant Hipster

My friend took me shopping last week. Despite the fact that it was like strolling through the mall with a gassy rhinoceros with size awareness issues, my dearest buddy Allison insisted that we have a girls night. Sure, we looked at baby clothes first. And sure, we really only got through one store before my ankles had somehow formed muffin tops over my orthopedic sneakers, but it was totally worth it.

I got sexy underwear I know is just going to torture my husband for now. And flats I won't be able to wear until the baby has been expelled from my body next month.


Check out those pants. Look at those hipster glasses. LOOK AT MY OUTFIT. I knew as soon as I put it on, I had to spend at least one day as a pregnant hipster. And let's be real here--those pants are not at all flattering, and my glasses are very clearly fake. That should have been embarrassing, but I think there's some variety missing in my life or something. I had to do it.

I also realized that if I was going to go a full day as a pregnant hipster, I needed to call myself The Pregster.

It has a delightfully obnoxious ring to it.

The first thing Pregster did was wake up and put her hair into a messy bun. And don her colorful but totally useless glasses.

#2020Vision #GlassesAreAnnoying

Pregster also had a green smoothie for breakfast (with chia seeds of course), and fed her children fruit and organic yogurt for breakfast. Pregster had a full day planned, so she took the children on some errands. Now where would Pregster go? A flea market or thrift store of some kind, presumably, but Pregster DOES have children, and therefore must obtain supplies from somewhere. Where better than Target?

Pregster also had to take an Instagram shot of her lunch. YES we had hot dogs and popcorn, but you know what, haters? Those dogs were all beef. So suck it.

#MormonCoffee #NeedCaffeine 
Pregster wonders if its too early to wear scarves.

#90DegreesOut #StillFab
Target shopping completed, Pregster couldn't go a full day without Starbucks. But since Pregster is Mormon, she got iced hot chocolate and gave her kids ice water. Pregster likes to defy convention.

#TallIcedWater #Starbucks #StillExpensive
Unfortunately, Pregster could not find everything she needed at Target. She proceeded to weep as she realized she would need to set foot in WALMART. The horror.

Pregster survived the trip into Walmart, though, and picked up her eldest child from school while convincing herself that she was enjoying the alternative station on Pandora.

All in all, it was a successful day for Pregster and her offspring. Will she be wearing those pants and those glasses in public again any time soon?

It's hard to say. You can't just pin down the Pregster like that. She does what she wants. #PregLife

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