Tuesday, May 20, 2014


There's this little saying I heard growing up as a kid: "Don't step on a crack or you'll break your mother's back."

Well, I'm just going to put this out there, but my kids need to lay off the crack. My back is totally busted again. On a trip to the library with my kids, ye olde back decided to crap out, stranding me in the parking lot and forcing my husband to run over a mile to get to us and drive us all home.


So as I lay here waiting for my mother to fly 2000 miles to rescue me again (you can bet we'll be writing another book while she's here), I decided I would share some Auchward writer happenings with you. I don't have anything else to do, except maybe watch kdramas.

First of all, let me tell you a story about me on heavy painkillers. If you think I'm a little nerdy, a little
predictable, and almost painfully average as a stay at home mom, you'd be right. But when I'm on the giggle pills? No, no. I'm Fun Alyssa. Fun Alyssa does things like curse (I don't use curse words normally because I'm Mormon), and talk almost exclusively in puns, and come up with semi-brilliant but still a little on the coo coo side ideas. I send "drunk" messages to people on Facebook, and lot of them are inappropriate jokes I found on the internet while "drunk" surfing.

There was one time when I decided to train for a 5K, and only after my back seized up and nearly killed me as I flew off the treadmill did I realize that people with squishy discs can't run three miles every other day. So that night I needed a giggle pill while I healed. According to my husband, I popped up out of a dead sleep, staggered over to the coat rack, grabbed the keys, and was about to walk out the door barefoot and in my underwear. When he asked me where I was going I said, "I'm going to a hotel because it's loud in here."

I'm not exaggerating when I say that he pushed three different types of furniture and a few heavy books up against the front door to keep me from sneaking off.

Besides all that, I also do this other thing when I'm Fun Alyssa. I go shopping. That's right, I go shopping when I am, essentially, high. One time I bought $70 worth of kids clothing, and didn't remember a bit of it until I got the confirmation email the next day.

Also, I bought these:

 Nerd glasses. Why? I have no idea. I just did. I felt like I needed them to complete my...je ne sais quoi. They cost 10 dollars, and my husband couldn't lift his head from the table for a full two minutes when he saw the billing statement.

There are nerd glasses on my blog, so clearly I needed to own a pair even though my eyesight is perfect. I'll wear them when I write blog posts to channel Fun Alyssa.

Besides my baked purchases, I actually made a very sane purchase not too long ago, and it finally arrived this week. Whenever people find out that I have books published, they always ask at least one (sometimes all) of these three questions:
What kind of book?
What's it about?
Where can I buy it?

Because of that, I decided that I would skip the awkward "elevator pitch" that always sounded like I was selling my own work to my friends, and I would get some business cards made up. Here they are!
 They have a really shortened version of my blurb, my contact info, and where to buy them. It's perfect! I chose to just do Lunula instead of both books because I thought it would be more simple. Besides, odds are if they like Lunula, they'll know there is a sequel and search for Inito anyway.

I haven't gotten the chance to actually hand them out anywhere (see entire above post), but I imagine these will really come in handy. I think I'll ask to leave a few at the library, and maybe have friends and family carry them around for me. Who knows? Maybe it'll help with sales!

Any other authors out there use business cards? Do you have any experience with them? I'm curious to see if they help.

Also, send me a message any time, because I love to talk to other readers/writers/authors. I'll be here. On the couch. And subsequently the computer. For a while...


  1. Alyssa, I absolutely adore you, and you are utterly hilarious. I'm so sorry for your back, it sounds so horrible and painful and must be an atrocious inconvenience, and yet I'm so glad the world gets to experience high-on-painkillers-Alyssa. And I dig the nerd glasses AND think the business cards are a brilliant, fantastic idea!!! You totally made my day, thank you.

    1. Mwah dahling! Thank you for stopping by and reading my drugged up post. I miss you tons!

  2. I read like half of this blog post out loud to my hubby. I'm so sorry you're in pain, but you sure are funny! ~Sonja

    1. Haha! Well its best to laugh about these kinds of things. I'm glad you got a chuckle, and thanks for stopping by!

  3. From one under the weather Mum to another xxx

    1. Thank you Suzi, I appreciate it! I'm sorry you are under the weather as well. Prayers to you!

  4. Nerd glasses: a remedy to cure all ills! Apologies for laughing my way through your post when you are obviously in pain- I wish you a speedy recovery x